Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Prose Poem

I really should call more, but when the phone rings and the caller i.d. reads, “mom” I silence its shrill voice and return to the dishes. The water leaves my hands an angry red but I don’t remove them, instead I turn the hot water back on rising the temperature further. I’ll call her back tomorrow, I tell myself.

3 comments:

  1. This is a piece that I can relate to. I think that fact that many people have had a very similar feeling makes this poem especially effective. I like the lines about the hot water. It conveys an emotional response witout having to come out and say it. My one question is about the last line. Is there another way to end the piece? I see what you are doing with the promise of responding, but I wonder if there is a better way to say it. The opening line, however, is one that I think everyone can identify with, and adds to this piece.

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  2. I agree with Sarah's comment that every one can identify with this. It's a great subject matter that is presented in a way that I don't really see a lot. You date the poem and make it very modern by mentioning the caller ID, which updates the universal "guilt" theme. It's interesting how technology has made our lives easier...or more guilt-ridden in some senses.
    I also enjoyed the physical manifestation of the guilt in the almost masochistic hot water line. However, I would like to know more about the relationship between the mother and child. Does her child not call because of something she did? Because of something the child did? It evokes a lot of interesting questions about why someone would practically burn their hands in response to ignoring their mom's call. Good job!

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  3. Hi Kim,
    This poem could've been written about me. As everyone has mentioned, you take up a theme that many can relate to. Mother-daughter relationships are complex and you begin to illustrate this in your poem. By mentioning the hot water and red hands, this adds to the anger or frustration, that you'd rather endure that than a conversation, that dishes, an everyday, tedious task is preferable in this case, really says something.

    A few things. When I first read the opening line I thought maybe we'd hear about why you don't, or times that you've tried but didn't but then I was surprised when it was she that called. I'm not saying this is bad, it was just something I thought about. I too would like to know more about the relationship between the mother and daughter that created this tension. The poem leaves a lot of unanswered questions for me. Also, the word rising, I think should be raised or increased or an angrier word like cranked the temperature to scalding or something.

    Great job though. As I said, I could totally relate to this!!

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