Spoken Word Poem

* Audio File to Come Soon *

Owe Him, Right?

"Please baby," he begs me.
His breath hot and wet against my throat.
His chin unshaven,
rough, leaving my skin red and screaming.
His hand insistent at my hip,
the other groping at my tits.
and I let me.

Because I owe him, right?
I owe him for his heart, kindness and might.
His mind and sensitivity
owe him for his help and generosity.

So I lay back, shutting my eyes and closing my lips.
His fingertips probe beneath my belt
cold, fast and impersonal
like getting me off is just a step to skip
another box to check off his to do list.

His lips smother mine, bottling up any protest that lay dormant there.
and I let him.
Because I owe him, right?

I owe him for dinner last night.
Because thirty dollars at the Olive Garden is enough for my silent subservience
Owe him for the dishes and the laundry
for his inconvenience.

So I let me.

He climbs on top of me and his once sweat
sweat fills my nostrils like vinegar
burning my nose and tongue.
His beautiful brown eyes closed tight against me
and I bite my lip until the taste of copper and salt fill my mouth.
Because I owe him, right?

I owe him for loving me.
Because a girl like me doesn't deserve a man like him.
Smart, sexy and successful.
I'm so lucky.
So I let my body sink into the mattress, forgetting about the twelve hours I put in that day
the books to read, the papers to grade
I forget about being tired or sad
or the shitty day that I had.

I ignore that I hate my ears, my arms and my ass –
because it is my job to let him smack at that.
I owe him, right?
So I silence my mind and its desperate pleas
and I turn around and get down on my knees
and pray to the God that he is and
be happy that I get to fuck him.

I owe him for never raising a hand or clenching a fist
like my father so often did
Yet I can't help thinking with every kiss of his lips
or stroke of his dick
he is leaving scars deeper than my father ever did
For he is crueler that dad ever was
shutting me up with a kiss and a plea
because I owe him for loving me.